Follow the spot light.

With every “Ahh Ha” moment that I have I bask in the glory of this wonderful feeling. Sometimes it is short moment and sometimes it  lasts weeks. I started to visualize what it felt like.  It is like being in a dark room and then all of a sudden the warm sunlight shines on you. It feels so warm and comforting, like I never want to move from this very spot. I sit there absorbing every ounce of sun light and then I start to feel the sun move away . The coldness is returning and I am awakened to the dreary room with no light, and the sun is in a different spot. So why not follow the spot light. Follow the light through every point of the room. That way you never have to feel the full affects of the cold dark room.

I have realized that everytime I feel inspired, the feelings begin to fade. I feel like I am in a cycle, and everytime I am lit up, I make no progress. Then it came to me, everytime the spot light shined on me, I was so consumed with that feeling that I wanted to stay there. I was thinking that if I stay right there I would continue to feel the light. The light is always moving and the only way to feel the light  all the time, is to follow it.

Heavy thinking

Wow. I had such a realization today thanks to my wonderful friend Derik. Sometimes it makes me laugh how simple things are and how hard I make them. I called my friend and proclaimed ” I am going to make a choice!” I am sure his reaction was ” Oh great, what now.”  I told him that I was ready to move forward in my life. I have been treading water for so long and I wanted to make a decision. He continued to ask me questions. I wanted to choose between boxing and moving on with something else. He knew me when I first started the sport. He saw what a wonderful affect it had on me. Then he also witnessed the change in me once I toldmyself that I was going to compete. (Two years later with lots of frustration, I still have not competed.) I have been frustrated and the wonderful feeling that I use to have going to the gym in now inconsistent.

He asked me what changed. And we realized that it was my attitude that changed. The moment I “decided” to compete I gained weight, and have continued to get heavier and heavier.  The gym was good for a while, but after a year with no fights, it became a job. Just extra work that I have to fit into the day. Then when my bills have piled up and I bought a house and have more responsibility, the more it became a drag. I still love it, and even through all the frustration and haze I can still see that.  So this is when I wanted to make a decision. I am ready to move forward. I explained all of this to my friend and he pointed out how the moment I decided to move forward, I stopped. The time when I wasn’t thinking about moving forward, I was. All of this heavy thinking was translating into my body.  It was amazing to realize all of this.  SO simple yet, I was so blinded. So now I get to go train and enjoy boxing the way I always have.